And so we did.. Keesha's Story, Part 1

I want to write about what is going on with Keesha, but I don't even know how to start. Do I start with the terrible decision that I made last week? Do I start with the long, drawn-out war story or rather, stories that started in 2008, after we adopted her? Or do I start by saying "Thank you."?

Keesha came into our lives when our relationship was quite young. I was excited about helping the local rescue organization, Animal Compassion Network, and talked Brendan into going with me to buy dog food at their great dog non-profit pet store and foster dog kennel. The famous last words I heard as we both got out of the car were, "Cindy, we're not getting another dog!" I remember that I laughed to myself because Brendan sounded like my mother, "No more animals in the house!" So what happened next, was the last thing I expected. Brendan walked into Pet Harmony with me, and while I began the search for our brand of dog food, he wandered back there. He wandered into what I will refer to from now on as "The Vortex". The Vortex is where all sanity leaves, and nothing but pure emotion reigns supreme. Your familiar with it, even if you don't realize it. Walt Disney, Hallmark and Hollywood have monopolized on The Vortex. You've been there, done that.

I digress. I could have started this story by telling you that this was the precise moment that I learned that my boyfriend was emotionally sensitive. I knew that he was, but I do not think that I had any idea just how sensitive he was or how much it would dictate his actions. Never-the-less, after this day, I was to be fully aware of this aspect of my new lover's personality.

"Cindy!", came his voice from the kennel area. "Hey Cindy! Come here!" he called. As I walked towards him, and towards the back of the store I realized that I was seeing a look on Brendan's face I had never seen before. I can't really describe it. He appeared to be excited, and yet sad, at the same time. He appeared concerned, but like I said, excitement was breaking through around the edges. I turned my head, following his gaze, and there she was. Keesha was a hound mix, said her cage card. She was a 75 pound dog, white with black spots like she'd been sprayed with someone's paint brush. She has a perfect black spot on her lower back, above her haunches. The comical aspect of Keesha was her imitation of a cat. She was a tough looking broad, not a silky, long-legged dog. Yet, she was sliding up against that kennel like she was a cat rubbing around a favorite person's legs. I could almost hear her purr, but no matter, she was smiling and laughing as she did it. Keesha has one of the greatest smiles I have ever seen on a dog. I am biased, but I am also serious.

Needless to say, although Brendan was beyond hooked at this point, I was only able to offer up a very feeble protest, borne mostly out of concern for what my mother would say, rather than what I truly wanted, which was the same as Brendan. We wanted to take her home. We wanted to take her out from behind those chain links and love on her and hug her for as long as she'd let us. And so we did.

Strict - Firm. Are they interchangeable? What is the difference?

In my professional world I have learned to expect more so that I can receive more. I had a good coach. She forced me to see it her way. It worked. That's why she is a good coach. Now in my personal life, I have to make a decision. Do I expect more? If I do, then how do I communicate this? It might be easier if we were speaking the same language. My dogs though, do not speak my language. Lately, I'm not sure that we are even capable of coming close. The sad truth is that through lack of knowledge and experience, we've put ourselves in a bit of a pickle. We will put our hands and our wallets in the hands of professionals and hope for the best.

Quotes and other random drivels on a Tuesday evening.

What is in a person's words that can cause our hearts to anguish, our bellies to roll with laughter, or our eyes and minds wince? Is it not that we "get it", that we've thought the same thoughts, no matter how vile or how rediculous, how lovely and over-the-top, or how noble, or sincere?

That's why I like quotes, and lyrics to songs and poems. At times even melodies seem familiar to my heart. We are a global network. We are connected to a fault. What happens when and if the connection is broken. What will sobriety look like then?

Sound

The power the sense of hearing has on my mood amazes me. Just today I experienced a huge shift in focus when I turned off the chatter of a weekend television show, turned on the soothing sounds of "new age" music, and then realized that my aquarium was a gurgling brook in my own living room. That's a lot to notice.
Although I felt it was a good shift at the time, I soon realized that even the nondescript music and the gurgling of my aquarium pump was a distraction. I laughed to myself. I chose not to judge myself, or the moment, but just became aware of it.

A friend of mine has been talking to me about mindfulness recently. Just this morning, ABC shared a story n the link between happiness and mindfulness. The story was an affirmation of what my friend and many others have been saying for as long as I can remember. Pay attention to where you are now. In this moment, are you satisfied? They even shared a quote by Mark Twain that I found fascinating, "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." ~ Mark Twain.

As I walk gracefully or stumble out into this day I will attempt to catch myself, in the moment as often as I can. Am I happy and content at this moment? You betcha!